Thoughts #15: Until It's Gone...

2/18/25

You don't really know what you have until it's gone.

Not sure who first said it, a quick goggle search revealed a few options, so I'll leave it unsourced for now.

The statement reigns true no matter what.

I recently had to move apartments just before I move back to the states. It was a simple move, staying within the same aparment complex even. I did most of the work myself.

But there's one major issue with everything: this apartment is perfectly mirrored.

I keep reaching to my right, when I need to reach to my left. I feel my brain split into its left and right parts turning such simple tasks into major deals. Why is this such a big thing though?

I moved everything last night starting just after work at 7:30 and worked until 11:30. It wasn't an easy process, but it obviously could have been worse.

So, it was a few hour process late at night, and in the snow. Yes it just started to snow as I walked home from work. All to my chagrin. But I had to move.

Today, I had an important day at work, so I had to get everything done yesterday so I could rest today. Good thing: it's all done now.

But I literally stepped in the shower last night and started to cry. It was a mixture of things of course: stress, exhuastion, confusion, etc. But I felt like some six year old crying because they "don't like the move!"

This change put things in perspective though. It'll take me some time to get back in the swing of things, but in the course of that time the rest of my possessions will be sold off as my life minimizes for my move back to the states. This smaller move was a clear line in the sand between my life before and my new life I'm stepping into.

Everything would be better if I moved into another apartment complex or if I moved into a unit that matched my last one. But now I have to relearn the motions as my brain screams out everything is wrong. It just hurts, it feels like a constant headache. I know it seems like an overreaction, but it's like that feeling something is wrong but an inability to pin it down, but made physical. I see what's wrong, I know what's wrong, but I can't change it.

Frist world problems I know. But it's seriously throwing me off. I'll obviously survive this ordeal, I only have a few weeks left in Japan. In that time I hope to make my life a sort of "holy purgatory", focusing on what's ahead and mentally prepping for it rather than worry about what's behind.

With the stressful day of work behind me as well, the finish line is finally within sight, just a bit off now. I know these weeks ahead could either fly by or feel arduous, but I'll prevail.

So, I know this blog hasn't been much about the books, but I don't have much to say there. I have a few chapters left in Origins II rewrites, but this move is throwing me off a bit. Everything, writing and editing, should all be finished by the time I move to the states, but I have to stay grounded.

If my plans continue, Origins II rewrites will be done around the end of February, maybe the start of March. I basically just have the final battle left and a few prior scenes. Far less content than Act 3 of Origins. But what should be fun is starting to feel off. Literally, I just reached the scene I've been locking forward to writing all this time, and I'm lacking the drive. That's probably because I hyped it up so much, now that I'm here I'm not all that excited for it. But I'll just have to start, and see how it goes. I can always rewrite it again, I have time right now.

These past few years in Japan have been a blessing from the Lord, and I hope these last few weeks will be just as productive and fruitful, all for His sake. But I can only control so much, I need to hand it over to Him.

With that, I'm glad to get these thoughts off my chest. I'll leave everything there and try to get comfortable in my new, opposite space.

Here's the concept art for this blog:

Lila's Room

Speaking of apartments, this is Lila's room in the Braced Bar. There's some minor details I would change, but otherwise this photo aligns with my vision of her room, and my explanation in the book.

When I originally wrote Origins for publishing online, I had two different concept art pictures for her room, but I always preferred this one. It was the second one I used, and was much easier to recreate in my AI image generator. (At that time I had one location image per issue, so I had to double up on concept art sometimes and add loreful explanations why scenes changed slightly. This was one such example, that worked for the better.)

Signing off...