Thoughts #10: I'm at a loss.

1/8/25

Hey y'all,

I'm a bit at a loss right now. I believe I've discussed this before but I struggle to take time off. My mind is always pushing me towards writing for the sake of productivity.

To be honest, I'm writing this update today just for the sake of getting something done. I need another blog soon anyway, so this fills the hole.

Basically, to summarize the current issue, I'm in the middle of writing Origins II. I'm taking a lot of referrence from my original draft, as it was published online, but I'm esentially writing it all anew. (That's exactly what I'm doing...rewriting everything!)

But here's the issue: I was just traveling for Christmas Break, and I'm off my time schedule. I should be back to normal in a few days, but in the meantime I've told myself to take it easy. But I'm having a hard time doing that.

I feel like I got to write everyday, even if what I write is slop.

That isn't the kind of work I want to do. But yet I can't shake the anxiety I feel when I try to go without working for the day. Sure I have my real job, and other productive things in my life, but I've gotten myself too used to writing or editing or publishing daily, that I can't go a single day without it.

So, once again, that's why I'm writing this today. Instead of writing some garbage I'll have to fix, I'll rant about my problem in a blog and hopefully feel set for the day.

Here's my plan: find a way through these next couple days. If I feel inspsired for the next section I have to write, then I'll write. But otherwise, I'll force myself to chill out, calm down, and settle in. I faced this same issue when I flew back to the states, and I'll face it again in a few months when I move back.

I'm not sure if this is a common issue for authors or a personal sign of some deeper issue/insecurity. I know people are creatures of habit, so maybe I've made my writing too habitual. Is that a good thing though? All these questions are wearing me out, I don't even have the mental capacity to consider them, all extra thoughts go to the pressure of work...

Another idea just came to mind. In lieu of writing, I'll take some time to walk through my story. That way it's still work getting done, I can take notes on my ideas and I do actually enjoy that sort of work. It's not useless like sitting around mindlessly watching TV can be. I'll give this a try, as it's something that's helped before. In the end, I'm glad I'm writing this, it's helping me process my thoughts right now.

I'll try not to get too sucked in, and handle this problem logically. Don't worry, none of this should impact me negatively or hurt my books going forward.